3 Hidden Sources of Overwhelm for Most Men

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Today's topic is specifically for the men out there.

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Guys, I have a question for you.

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Have you ever stopped to consider exactly why you feel overwhelmed?

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Or do you just jump straight into problem solving mode?

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if you're like most guys that I've worked with over the years, you definitely

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jump into problem solving mode.

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And unfortunately, the problem that we're sometimes solving isn't the one

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that's actually needing to be addressed.

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It's like mowing the yard while your house is on fire, right?

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maybe the grass needed to be cut, but it didn't really solve your biggest problem

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because your house is still burning down.

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So on today's episode, I'm going to talk about the three biggest reasons

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that I have found working with my clients, why most men feel overwhelmed.

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And of course, I'm going to give you guys some tools to deal with it as well.

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And that's coming up next, right here on Unshakable Habits.

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The right habits can help you have it all.

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More time, better health, improved relationships, and less stress.

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But most people lack the tools to stick with those habits

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long enough to see results.

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That is about to change.

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Welcome to Unshakable Habits with your host, Stephen Box.

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It's time to take your habits from unsustainable to unshakable.

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Welcome back to Unshakable Habits.

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This is episode number 71 and I am your host, the habit guy, Stephen Box.

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And today we're talking about overwhelm and specifically, I'm talking to

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the guys out there today because I'm going to share with you the top three

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reasons I have found that most men.

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Get overwhelmed and guys, let's just start with a moment of honesty

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here part of the problem Why is so difficult for us to see these?

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I'm gonna call it right?

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I'm gonna call them hidden causes.

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The reason is so difficult for us to see them is because If you're like me,

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you probably have never met a problem that you didn't want to solve, right?

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we are, by nature, problem solvers.

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It is, I think, something that almost every man seems to be born with.

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let's I think a lot of times we get so caught up in wanting to just go fix

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something just to do something we don't always stop to ask why and we don't

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stop to say what is the underlying reason why this is really happening

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and like I mentioned in the intro when we do that we end up solving the

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wrong problem and it's like cutting the grass while your house is on fire.

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Sure the grass looks great but Doesn't really matter if

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you don't have a house, right?

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So rather than cutting the grass, we want to help you get the water hose or

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call the fire department and get that fire put out so you have a house, right?

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That's the goal here.

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So let's jump into these.

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So reason number one, thinking that having it all means doing it all,

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doing it right now, doing it by yourself, and doing it perfectly.

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All right, so let's break this down.

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So first of all, I think a lot of us have been programmed with this idea

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that we're supposed to have it all.

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We're supposed to have the good paying job or the successful business.

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We're supposed to have the beautiful wife, kids, the house, the car, the clothes.

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We're supposed to have free time and vacations and we're supposed to

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read and be well educated and We're supposed to know the Bible inside and

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out and, and, and, and, and, right?

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We can just keep going on and on with this list of all the things

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that men are expected to do And a lot of times men have been taught

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And I'm really maybe more speaking to the men of my generation right now.

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I'm about turn 46, but I think my generation older, maybe a little bit

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younger than me can all relate to this.

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The younger generation is being brought up a little bit differently.

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But a lot of the guys that I work with are closer to my age group and we have been

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taught as men, you don't ask for help.

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You figure it out for yourself.

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You suck it up, right?

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And you just find a way to get it done.

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And so we think we have to do it all.

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It's about checking off that to do list, right?

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It's about getting things done and we think we have to do it by ourselves and

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we think we have to do it perfectly.

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And if we don't do it perfectly, we're failures.

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I I don't know about you guys, but when I think about all the pressure

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that comes along with that, Is it any wonder that we're all overwhelmed?

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The second thing is not being present in the moment.

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It's stressing over the past and the future.

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This is two things in one here.

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So let me break this down.

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So the first is not being present in the moment.

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And a lot of times this comes down to The things that happened in number

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one, because we think we have to do all those things, now all of a sudden it's

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difficult for us to be present at home.

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When you're spending time with the kids or with your significant other,

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it's difficult maybe to be locked in because you're thinking about

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all the things you gotta do at work.

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You're thinking about all the other stuff that you have going on,

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all the priorities that you have.

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And it can just make it very difficult to be locked in and present in the moment.

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But there's something else that causes us to not be in the moment.

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And that is stressing over the past and the future.

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The past is behind us.

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There's nothing we can do about it, right?

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There's lessons to learn from it and we should definitely reflect on the past and

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see what lessons there are to learn so we don't make the same mistakes twice.

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And then the future.

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look, you're not God.

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You don't know the future.

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I'm not either, by the way.

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We spend so much time worrying about things that may or may

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not even happen that we forget to be present in the moment.

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Do you realize how overwhelming that is when you're constantly

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running scripts in your mind?

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About mistakes that you've made in the past or things that have happened that

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you wish you had done something different Even sometimes when it was completely out

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of your control or you spend a lot of time Worrying and fretting over the future when

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you have no idea what the future actually holds and number three is Treating self

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care as a luxury instead of a necessity.

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I talked a little bit yesterday about When I was talking about exercise and how

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important it is to get that in, which, by the way, if you haven't listened

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to that episode, definitely go back and check it out because I give you my

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strategy for getting your workout time in, no matter how crazy your schedule is.

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But treating self care is a luxury.

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This is something a lot of guys go, when I have time, when this slows down, when the

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kids go back to school, when I finish this work project, it's always when and if.

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It's never something that we just do, right?

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And until we just do it, it doesn't get done.

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And when I talk about self care, it's not just about exercise.

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Exercise, obviously, is a huge thing and that's something that I love, but

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it's also about Just having some time to yourself having some time to decompress.

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It is so important to actually do that.

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And if you don't take care of yourself, here's a newsflash for you.

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Going back to number one where I was talking about how we think we're

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supposed to have it all and do it all and we're supposed to do it right

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now and it's all gonna be perfect.

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Yeah, do you think any of that's happening if you're running on empty?

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Would you take your car and the needle's on E and the gas light is on,

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would you then go, hey, you know what, without filling up my tank, I'm going

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to take a cross country road trip?

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Of course not, because you know you're not going to get there, right?

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You don't have enough gas.

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Yet and still, that's exactly what most of us are doing to ourselves.

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Our gas tanks are empty.

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The light is on, guys.

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We're ignoring it, and we're trying to push through because

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we feel like we have to.

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Like we gotta prove something to somebody.

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You don't have to prove anything to anybody, guys.

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I don't know if anybody's told you that, but I'm telling you that right now.

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So here is the thing.

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You now understand why a lot of guys are walking around overwhelmed,

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and hopefully you can relate to at least one of those three things.

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maybe even all three, right?

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And if you can, I want to give you a couple of suggestions on some

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things that I have found very helpful for both myself and my clients.

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So number one is swallow your pride and accept the fact that you need

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other people to help you along the way.

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I've got a small group of guys that I've been in a Bible study with.

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Over the last couple of months, and we decided to break off into a smaller

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group while the larger group is on break over the summer, and we're doing a 40

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day reading, and the reading is about finding God's purpose for your life.

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we have a group chat and I'm just seeing all these messages in the group chat where

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guys are being like open and honest about their struggles and we're talking about it

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and we're sharing both our own struggles as well as our insights and our thoughts

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and no one's necessarily solving your problem for you in there, but sometimes

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just knowing that other people are going through some of the same things and that

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it's okay that none of us are perfect.

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It's so helpful.

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it really is, man.

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It's so helpful just to have that support system.

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you don't have to necessarily have a small group like what I have,

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but get you a support system, man.

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seriously, it is so important.

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I think especially as men.

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Women, a lot of times, are encouraged.

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to have these kind of support systems, to talk with each other,

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to do those kind of things.

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Men, a lot of times, are not, right?

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And I think for men, it's a balance, right?

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We need to hold one another accountable, but accountability doesn't mean

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beating each other down, it actually means building each other up.

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And unfortunately, a lot of us haven't been taught how to do

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accountability the proper way.

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So find you a support group of other like minded men.

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the second thing I'm going to encourage is Start to build awareness when you

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are living in the past or in the future.

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And bring yourself back to the present.

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And guys, if you're married Or you have children, you have a built in

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cheat for this because if you tell your wife to do this for you, tell

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you, tell your significant other to do this for you to say Hey, when you

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catch me living in the past, you catch you worrying about the future, stop

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me and bring me back to the present.

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They'll do it.

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They 100 percent will.

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And when, if you go tell your kids, Hey, if daddy is, Worrying about, other

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stuff after I promised to do something with you, call me out, say, Hey Daddy,

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need you to be present right now.

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They'll do it.

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They will do it to you.

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I promise.

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So use that accountability, right?

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And it's a little theme here, right?

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It's all about accountability, right?

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I truly believe we all need to have some accountability into our lives.

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And then the third thing to do is carve out time for yourself.

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Now you may need to communicate this to some family members.

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You may need to communicate this at work.

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You may need to say hey look, there, I'm setting aside these times for me.

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You don't need to get into specifics.

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You don't need to get into specifics, if I could talk.

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You just need to let people know hey, I'm not available this time.

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And you need to block that time off on your calendar and you

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need to protect it at all costs.

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It's not for that client who wants to buy something.

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It's not for that last minute thing that popped up.

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It's your protected time.

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You're not available.

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End of discussion.

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I know that sounds scary and if it sounds scary to you, it means

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you're living in the future.

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Come back to the present.

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Be here in the moment.

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What's going to be the most impactful for you?

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How are you going to start making time?

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for self care in your life.

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That's the question for you.

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If you found this episode helpful, I would encourage you to share it with other men

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who might get some benefit out of it.

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And if you're listening to us today on either Apple or Spotify, we'd really

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appreciate if you could take the time to leave us a five star review and

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share your honest thoughts on the show.

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If you're not using either one of those, you can also give us a call.

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go to Podchaser.

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All of those links are down in the show notes.

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Also be sure to tune back in tomorrow.

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I'm going to give you my top five tips for what I do to get back on track anytime I

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get off track with my habits or routines.

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Until then, as always, I remind you that while none of us are born

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unshakable, we can all become unshakable.