Episode 57

Life Shouldn't Be Difficult with Damian Andrews

Ready to let go of excuses, redefine your identity, and build habits that stick?

Damian shares his winning strategies to simplify your life, boost your mindset, and stay true to yourself.

Whether it's your career or personal life, you'll learn how to make choices that matter.

Get set to transform your routine and step into a more fulfilling lifestyle with this powerful discussion. Tune in to unleash your potential!

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Transcript
Stephen Box:

Welcome to the Unshakable Habits podcast, where we help you to

Stephen Box:

build the habits and routines that help build the life you want so you can turn

Stephen Box:

everyday actions into powerful wins for your health, mindset, relationships,

Stephen Box:

faith, and professional growth.

Stephen Box:

I am your host, Stephen Box.

Stephen Box:

, I am joined today by Damien Andrews.

Stephen Box:

Damien, welcome

Damian Andrews:

Pleasure to be here, Stephen.

Stephen Box:

Damian, I had an opportunity to be on your podcast,

Stephen Box:

the What Is Manly podcast And we had a really great conversation.

Stephen Box:

So I'm looking forward to continuing some of that today.

Stephen Box:

I know that.

Stephen Box:

Our themes are very similar because you have this idea of,

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life shouldn't really be difficult.

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we make it difficult.

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so talk to me a little bit about where did this

Stephen Box:

philosophy come from?

Damian Andrews:

I'd like to think that, I invented it cause I'd like to think I

Damian Andrews:

invented a lot of things, but in reality, we're just repeating what's out there.

Damian Andrews:

And I think it was Michelangelo said that good artists don't create, good

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artists create, great artists steal.

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And, the philosophy from as far as I can date comes from Confucius

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who said, life is very simple, but we insist on complicating it.

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And to that end, I use the analogy of being wealthy.

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It's something that a lot of people chase.

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They want money.

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And if you follow the principles, there's a book called the richest man in Babylon.

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You follow the principles and that you keep a bit of what you

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earn, you invest that wisely, and then you reinvest the income.

Damian Andrews:

It's not a question of whether you will be wealthy.

Damian Andrews:

It will be the outcome.

Damian Andrews:

And it's that principle that applies.

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not that principle, but that overarching principle applies in life.

Damian Andrews:

There are a lot of simple things.

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if you want a happy relationship, know who you are, be a kind person and

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date someone that's kind and fits with what you want, follow that principle.

Damian Andrews:

You'll have a wonderful relationship.

Damian Andrews:

And I have lots of friends, that have that.

Damian Andrews:

I didn't have that knowledge many years ago.

Damian Andrews:

So I've had some terrible relationships in my past.

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and I must, if I'm going to be honest, I probably contributed to that as well.

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there's certain behaviors that I had that weren't great.

Damian Andrews:

And that's where that principle comes in.

Damian Andrews:

Again, I was complicating it, making it difficult rather

Damian Andrews:

than making it simple and easy.

Stephen Box:

So where do you think that this instinct we'll

Stephen Box:

call it to complicate things.

Stephen Box:

Where do you think it

Stephen Box:

comes from?

Damian Andrews:

I think it's learnt, and there are people in

Damian Andrews:

the go through the life that, have.

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Things that go very smoothly, and part of that is their upbringing, what they're

Damian Andrews:

taught, and we're all shaped by the beliefs that we have instilled upon us,

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and then we continue to instill upon us, as you said, as a habit, we instill

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these beliefs, belief is just a thought that you've repeated over and over again.

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And when we come to that realization and say, hey, Actually,

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what I believe isn't real.

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It's not my reality, and I know that's got very distorted today with

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the woke mentality and my identity is shaped by, all this stuff around

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me, rather than it's just a behavior when we step back and go, Hey, my, my

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behaviors are just that they're not me.

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I'm this ball of wonderfulness, energy, whatever it is, but my

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identity is not my behavior.

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It's not my beliefs.

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They're just something that's been instilled.

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And from that, then we can actually make that change and it's a.

Damian Andrews:

Certain people have that.

Damian Andrews:

They were brought up with that.

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Other people weren't.

Damian Andrews:

I certainly wasn't, but it's something that I learned.

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And now, I found one of the things I implemented in

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business, worked really well.

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And I call it the no excuse policy.

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And what I would do is when I had, we had meetings, everyone would have a task that

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they had to do before the next meeting.

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And they set their own task as well.

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It was, we had overall objectives for the big process and people, I get people

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to set their own task and come back the next meeting and deliver that task.

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The no excuse policy was.

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If you didn't do the task, you couldn't give an excuse.

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It was no blame.

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It wasn't, Oh, you bad person for not doing the task.

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It was all you could say was, I didn't do it or I didn't get it done.

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And it was really fascinating.

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The accountability, how high the accountability went for people

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when they couldn't give an excuse, they couldn't say, Oh, I didn't do

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it because of this or the cat ate my homework or whatever it was.

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And.

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Then I thought about that.

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I thought, what if I apply that in my own life?

Stephen Box:

Yeah.

Damian Andrews:

If I set myself something or something happens in

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my life, I can't give an excuse for the shitty shit that happens.

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And what that did was it transformed how I approached

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things because there was no excuse.

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It was okay, it didn't happen.

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What do I do now?

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Do I really want this?

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And that made a trance really.

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Really big shift in, in how things happen for me and things happened a lot faster,

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a lot easier because I wasn't putting up a roadblock, which is all an excuse is.

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It's a roadblock.

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You're just justifying why you didn't do it.

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If I couldn't justify it anymore, all of a sudden it became on me.

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to fix it.

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And I did.

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And it was amazing how many other things just opened up.

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When you take into account how your reticular activating system works,

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there was so many opportunities that were always right in front of me

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that actually I now saw and was able to tap into and get things done.

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And an example being this morning before we, we, it's morning

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for me and evening for you.

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Just before we had the it.

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Jumped on this podcast.

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There's a few things that I need to do for a next phase of my consulting business and

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working with businesses and these little flyers that I'm making promoting different

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things and rather than fluffing around, I just jumped on and I actually completed

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a complete another flyer for one of the programs that my consulting firm offers.

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It happened really quickly, really fast.

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I had no idea when I started how it was going to work or what to do.

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But then all of a sudden Before we start, it's finished, done, and I've

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sent it off to my business development manager so she can push that forward.

Stephen Box:

Yeah, there's so much to unpack there, right?

Stephen Box:

You just,

Damian Andrews:

You say that a lot when we can talk.

Stephen Box:

so let's actually back this up a little bit and

Stephen Box:

let's break down some of this.

Stephen Box:

A lot of what people are experiencing when it comes to making things difficult

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or feeling like things are difficult is it's learned behaviors, right?

Stephen Box:

And maybe that's something from when you were a kid, or maybe you're a

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victim of marketing because let's be honest, every single person out there

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that markets now, they make it seem that the process needs to be this

Stephen Box:

like super overly complicated thing.

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way you feel like you have

Stephen Box:

to hire them, right?

Damian Andrews:

well, that's what I said.

Damian Andrews:

I want to call out that word victim because that victim mentality, I

Damian Andrews:

think is what makes life complicated.

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Cause we're putting blame somewhere else and say, Oh, it's marketing society.

Damian Andrews:

no.

Damian Andrews:

You don't have to, you don't have to turn on the telly.

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You don't have to watch all those ads.

Damian Andrews:

I, and that was a major shift.

Damian Andrews:

Quietening of the mind makes a big difference.

Damian Andrews:

And how I did this was about eight years ago.

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I turned off all the dings and blings and all of the

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notifications on all my devices.

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So I don't know.

Damian Andrews:

I don't even know if my phone, unless I'm actually looking at it because the

Damian Andrews:

phone lights up if you're looking at it.

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But unless I'm looking at my phone.

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I won't know that it's rang, that I've got a text message that I've got a

Damian Andrews:

social media message and same on my computer, even to the extent where you

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look at your email, the little icon on the email that you have and has a number

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of unread messages, I turned that off.

Damian Andrews:

So I don't know if I've got unread messages and it was interesting how much

Damian Andrews:

that quietened my mind so that I was able to focus on things that were important.

Damian Andrews:

And that's why I don't like it.

Damian Andrews:

When we say, Oh, we're subjected to this, to media and ads and influence that way.

Damian Andrews:

Yes, they certainly influences, but we don't have to watch

Stephen Box:

Yeah.

Stephen Box:

And I think it's a good distinction, right?

Stephen Box:

Because the reality is, this is the, what gets put out there.

Stephen Box:

People overlook complicated things, especially in my industry, right?

Stephen Box:

The health and wellness industry is full of absolute nonsense

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where people make it seem you have to follow a complicated diet.

Stephen Box:

You have to.

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Follow some extremely difficult workout program and do all these complex movement

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patterns like, no, you really don't.

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but it's like you said, the thing is, when people don't know any better,

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it's very difficult for them to figure out what's real and what's not.

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And the reality is you can make a choice to say, you know what, I'm

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going to block all the nonsense out.

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And I'm going to stop listening to people who want to make it seem

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like things need to be complicated.

Stephen Box:

You can

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make that decision.

Damian Andrews:

That's where neuroscience comes in because.

Damian Andrews:

there's a difference in how your brain works, especially with dopamine and

Damian Andrews:

serotonin, and what happens, and you mentioned about, the complicated exercise

Damian Andrews:

routines and diets, what happens with external things, and I liken it to

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video games, and we all remember little Mario, that, used to jump around, you

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get the gold coin, and every time you got a gold coin, you get a dopamine hit,

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so you want to trace that.

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But what happens after that, when you're dealing with external

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things, that your baseline for that same satisfaction increases.

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So as you get the gold coin, all of a sudden, that same gold coin isn't.

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NextGoldCoin is not going to give you the same dopamine hit.

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And that's why you find video games are designed to have more

Damian Andrews:

and ever increasing challenges.

Damian Andrews:

Because your dopamine level in respect of that goes up and up to the point where

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you finally get really bored with it and you need to go on with something else.

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That happens with external things.

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The exception to that, and a friend of mine is a neuroscientist who

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explained this to me, is In our connection with other people,

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that baseline doesn't increase.

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So when you say, I love you to your partner, and then 20 years

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later, you say, I love you.

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The baseline hasn't moved for whatever reason, when we connect with other people,

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our baseline for dopamine doesn't change.

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And when we recognize that we can say, okay, what's happening here?

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How am I connecting with this?

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And when you look at, for example, the exercise routines, you will, okay,

Damian Andrews:

am I focusing on just the, external exercise, which means over time, I'm

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going to get bored with this and need a new exercise, which is why you have all

Damian Andrews:

these new and more complicated things.

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Or am I focusing on my relationship with myself while doing the exercise?

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Because the same principle applies is when you say, I love you to your partner

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is when you say I love you to yourself, that dopamine hit stays the same.

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The baseline doesn't move.

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and if you make the doing the diet or doing the exercise about your

Damian Andrews:

relationship with you, All of a sudden, it becomes just as satisfying

Damian Andrews:

doing the same routine every day.

Damian Andrews:

And that's what I do.

Damian Andrews:

I have an exercise routine, very basic core strength exercise, a little

Damian Andrews:

bit of mobility fitness in there as well, and I do that most days.

Damian Andrews:

And then I jump on the cross trainer and do that and I get the

Damian Andrews:

same sense of satisfaction every day because I understand this is

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how dopamine works within my body.

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So I'm not, it's not about the exercise itself.

Damian Andrews:

It's about my relationship with the exercise.

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And when you make that shift, all of a sudden you don't need

Damian Andrews:

these newer and fancier things.

Damian Andrews:

they're nice to have, but it's not something that creates that

Damian Andrews:

a need that you have to have.

Damian Andrews:

Yeah.

Stephen Box:

a lot of the things that are maybe of value, some

Stephen Box:

of the more complicated things actually do have some value.

Stephen Box:

What people miss is that most of the time those things are only

Stephen Box:

valuable in the later stages.

Stephen Box:

They're only if you're trying to get to the very top levels.

Stephen Box:

Do those things start to become relevant that you don't need any

Stephen Box:

of that stuff when you start off?

Stephen Box:

You just need the simple stuff.

Damian Andrews:

It's very true.

Damian Andrews:

I remember when I one time went skiing in Switzerland and I was quite large then.

Damian Andrews:

I think I weighed about 110 kilos, which, for me, I was, I'm six foot,

Damian Andrews:

so I wasn't really fat, but I was, a little bit chubby and I noticed as

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I was skiing, by the time we got to lunchtime, my legs were killing me.

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They were burning so much because I was carrying so much weight.

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12 months later, we went back.

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Now in that 12 months, I hadn't really exercised much, certainly

Damian Andrews:

hadn't done anything strenuous.

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All I did was I limited the amount of food that I ate, and

Damian Andrews:

not in a painful way either.

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I just, instead of, I ate to the point where I was satisfied and I

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stopped rather than going, Oh, this is really tasty and keep eating.

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And I dropped something like 25 kilos.

Damian Andrews:

it wasn't quick, but it was between that time and the following year when

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we're again, skiing in Switzerland, I was 25 kilos lighter and I hadn't said

Damian Andrews:

I hadn't exercised or anything and I noticed I could ski all day and it was

Damian Andrews:

fine, but it was really just that, that simple shift of going, Hey, I'm not going

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to, just, I'm not going to eat as much and just making a slight shift going.

Damian Andrews:

I'm full.

Damian Andrews:

I'm satisfied.

Damian Andrews:

and leaving that rather than keeping, stuffing food into my mouth.

Stephen Box:

Yeah, and it's so interesting you brought up earlier this idea about

Stephen Box:

identity and I think it's a great tie in here because a Lot of what you're talking

Stephen Box:

about right now is about how you identify.

Stephen Box:

It's about how you think of yourself If I tell myself I'm going to eat less

Stephen Box:

food Because I don't really need to eat past the point of satisfaction,

Stephen Box:

then you are basically saying you are someone who has discipline, you

Stephen Box:

are someone who understands that you don't need to overeat, there's

Stephen Box:

nothing that you're compensating for, you feel more confident in yourself.

Stephen Box:

It's easy to do that.

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Versus if you say, I'm going to eat less food so that I can lose weight,

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then you're more likely to eat too little food, to be miserable, to be

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hungry, and it's going to be much more difficult to stick with that.

Stephen Box:

So it's that simple identity shift of, I'm not doing this for any other

Stephen Box:

reason than I just recognize that I'm eating more food than I need and I'm

Stephen Box:

just going to eat only what I need.

Stephen Box:

Versus I have to eat a certain amount so I can lose

Stephen Box:

weight.

Stephen Box:

Yeah.

Damian Andrews:

Exactly.

Damian Andrews:

It's, and that's a really good point that you raised there, particularly with how

Damian Andrews:

your mind works, your unconscious mind and your reticular activating system.

Damian Andrews:

And we've all had that moment where we've lost something and we're looking

Damian Andrews:

through the house and looking everywhere and looking ridiculous places like

Damian Andrews:

the freezer in the laundry that we've got, it's like, why would it be there?

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And then we give up and we relaxed because, and we walked past the bench

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in the kitchen and there it is sitting on the bench right in front of us.

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Our mind sees our reticular activating system filters what we see, and

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how it filters is what we focus on.

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Our mind doesn't know, how to not do something.

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Our unconscious mind doesn't know how to do that.

Damian Andrews:

If I, and we've heard that about how if I tell you not to think of a pink elephant,

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you have to think of the pink elephant.

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And how that works in a practical application is, if you say to

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yourself, I don't want to forget.

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Whatever it is, and you're halfway to wherever you need to be.

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And then you go, Oh, I forgot.

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And it's a simple shift by saying, I will remember before I leave.

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If you say that at the start of the day, I remember to bring my speech

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notes before I leave the house.

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Now that's a very specific thing in your unconscious mind, and I know

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from my experience where I do that, because I do that all the time, I'm

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about to walk out the door and all of a sudden it's ah, speech, or ah, this,

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or whatever it is I've got to take.

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And.

Damian Andrews:

I have that, those moments all the time where things just pop into my mind

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because I've set it up that way and that's a coming back to this principle

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of life is simple if we set things up the right way, if we focus on what it

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is we want, it's one of those questions and I changed it a little bit because

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I got tired of asking people what do you want and they go, I don't know.

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And then I said, what do you choose?

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And all of a sudden the light bulbs went off and you're like, what?

Damian Andrews:

I have a choice.

Damian Andrews:

Exactly.

Damian Andrews:

You have a choice.

Damian Andrews:

You have the choice to create your mind the way it is.

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And linking that back again to the no excuse policy, all of a sudden

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you've got no one else to blame.

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So it's my mind, I can change the way I want to think about it.

Damian Andrews:

I'm not a victim of advertising looking at All these other people

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and go, I've got to look like that, or I've got to behave like that.

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I become my own person with my own identity that I choose

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to be the way I want it to be.

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And all of a sudden you're creating your own path.

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And it reminds me of many, it was probably 20, 25 years, 30 years, 30 years ago now.

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that's how old I am, I'm getting ancient, but I had a quote on my

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desk and said, Don't go where the path may lead, go instead where

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there's no path and leave a trail.

Damian Andrews:

And that's how I believe you want to live your life is you create your identity

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and that from a business perspective, from a partner perspective, if you are

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you're unique, you're, you don't have any competition, all of a sudden, your

Damian Andrews:

whole stress level just drops dramatically because you don't have competition

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because you are the only one of you.

Damian Andrews:

It's a unique selling proposition works fantastically in business.

Damian Andrews:

Just be you.

Stephen Box:

I want to go back to this no excuse thing that you're talking

Stephen Box:

about, because one thing I find so interesting is when you talk to people.

Stephen Box:

And they're giving you their reason, and I'm using that word for a reason.

Stephen Box:

I didn't realize what I was doing there.

Stephen Box:

Okay.

Stephen Box:

So a reason for a reason.

Stephen Box:

Okay.

Stephen Box:

It's just, that was funny that I just had that real

Stephen Box:

time realization,

Damian Andrews:

people that do speak good to

Stephen Box:

but the, when they're giving you their reason, I'm

Stephen Box:

putting this in air quotes, right?

Stephen Box:

Their reason is because, as In their mind, it's not an excuse, it's a reason,

Stephen Box:

right?

Damian Andrews:

it is a

Stephen Box:

else listening to it, it's an excuse.

Stephen Box:

I

Damian Andrews:

But it is, it's a reason, it's a reason for not doing it.

Damian Andrews:

And if you're focusing on your reasons for not doing it, you're going to not do it.

Damian Andrews:

And this is where we make that shift again.

Damian Andrews:

And what do I choose?

Damian Andrews:

I choose to get it done.

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So rather than saying, Oh, here's the reasons for not doing it.

Damian Andrews:

What can I do now to get there?

Damian Andrews:

And you shift that question and all of a sudden it opens up a

Damian Andrews:

whole new set of doors and you get there faster, smoother, easier.

Damian Andrews:

Again, life is simple if you want it to be.

Stephen Box:

laugh at this because you just made me go

Stephen Box:

back to a memory in my brain.

Stephen Box:

And it's a difference in how I was 15, 20 years ago versus how I am today.

Stephen Box:

15, 20 years ago, I was working retail management.

Stephen Box:

I didn't really like my job and I would routinely, if I was going to be running

Stephen Box:

late to work, before I even got in the car to leave, I was already thinking of what

Stephen Box:

my excuse was going to be for being late.

Damian Andrews:

Yeah.

Stephen Box:

At no point did I ever start to think about, okay, I'm

Stephen Box:

running a little behind this morning.

Stephen Box:

What changes can I make?

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What can I cut out?

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What can I do differently this morning that's going to allow

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me to still get to work on time?

Stephen Box:

I was thinking already about how I was going to give myself

Stephen Box:

an excuse for being late.

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Versus now.

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I don't think about making excuses for things.

Stephen Box:

I think about how do I accomplish what I'm trying to

Stephen Box:

do?

Stephen Box:

it does help when you want to be there.

Stephen Box:

Don't get me wrong.

Stephen Box:

Yeah.

Damian Andrews:

You're already, before you even got to where you wanted to

Damian Andrews:

be, you'd already set up reasons for why you weren't going to get there.

Damian Andrews:

And we do that.

Damian Andrews:

People do that all the time.

Damian Andrews:

they come up with reasons.

Damian Andrews:

They have an idea of what they want and then they'll come up with reasons

Damian Andrews:

for why they don't want to be there.

Damian Andrews:

And that links back to, our evolution as well, unless you're a creationist, let's

Damian Andrews:

go with evolution at the moment and to survive you had you had a higher chance

Damian Andrews:

of survival if you were part of the group.

Damian Andrews:

If you're outside of the group, you could have got eaten by a lion or attacked by

Damian Andrews:

some other tribe or something like that.

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So as part of the group, you, you had a greater chance of survival

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and that's innate within us.

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And what now happens though is we've created a comfort zone, so

Damian Andrews:

to speak, where we, where it's safe to be part of the group.

Damian Andrews:

And that really affects our ability to be.

Damian Andrews:

our own unique self, because if we're our own unique self, as much as it

Damian Andrews:

doesn't really matter, certainly in civilized societies, because

Damian Andrews:

you're not generally going to get that, some horde coming through and

Damian Andrews:

other tribes and things like that.

Damian Andrews:

certainly in your, where you live and where I live, that's

Damian Andrews:

not going to happen as a general rule, but we still feel that way.

Damian Andrews:

So we still feel that if we're ourselves, we're going to be

Damian Andrews:

all of a sudden outside of.

Damian Andrews:

The group alone, vulnerable, and we stay within the group.

Damian Andrews:

So unconsciously we're drawn to stay within the group.

Damian Andrews:

And that's where you're coming back to what you're asking about.

Damian Andrews:

Why do we not make life simple as part of that simplicity

Damian Andrews:

is being our own unique self.

Damian Andrews:

And we're fighting against this evolution of wanting to be part

Damian Andrews:

of the crowd so that we don't.

Damian Andrews:

stand out and we don't get eaten by a lion or, like a school of fish, for

Damian Andrews:

example, we, you want to be in the center so that you're less likely to get

Damian Andrews:

eaten by predators, but we've, our world has evolved and our thinking needs to

Damian Andrews:

evolve that being our own unique self.

Damian Andrews:

is actually an advantage, not a disadvantage now, and we can

Damian Andrews:

then lead that way by standing out and other people will follow.

Damian Andrews:

Especially, and if you take into account, I think most of your viewers probably have

Damian Andrews:

seen the first follower video on YouTube.

Damian Andrews:

I've forgotten that.

Damian Andrews:

Some Schreiber.

Damian Andrews:

I can't remember the guy's name.

Damian Andrews:

but look up first follower, especially if we have in our ability

Damian Andrews:

to embrace the first followers.

Damian Andrews:

So if we're going in a direction as a leader and we're embracing the people

Damian Andrews:

that are actually supporting us.

Damian Andrews:

and like where we're going, then all of a sudden we've got the crowd going with

Damian Andrews:

us anyway, but it's a crowd of people that are supportive and then we're all

Damian Andrews:

moving the same direction and then you can create that ebb and flow and I love

Damian Andrews:

the story of, I think it was Nelson Mandela's father when he, when Nelson

Damian Andrews:

Mandela was growing up, his father was the leader of a tribe and he would

Damian Andrews:

allow everyone else To speak first.

Damian Andrews:

So go around the room and he would listen to everyone else before he

Damian Andrews:

spoke and this is part of having that confidence within yourself.

Damian Andrews:

And we have a program called fearless where we teach that how

Damian Andrews:

to actually sit back and listen to everybody else without you feeling.

Damian Andrews:

Oh, I don't have a place here.

Damian Andrews:

And it's interesting how, when you can do that, when you can sit

Damian Andrews:

quietly and listen and then just ask a couple of key questions, how

Damian Andrews:

much more power that gives you.

Damian Andrews:

And that's part of that process of this evolution.

Damian Andrews:

I think we need to go through.

Damian Andrews:

So we're actually becoming like the X Men.

Damian Andrews:

we, we're actually evolving in society.

Damian Andrews:

we've come to a place and I love, was watching recently

Damian Andrews:

on the news, the former CEO.

Damian Andrews:

Google.

Damian Andrews:

I think it was from memory.

Damian Andrews:

yeah, he's part of a task force.

Damian Andrews:

Now they're looking at how to prevent, any land invasion ever happening again,

Damian Andrews:

especially with the advancement of drones, because you can have a swarms

Damian Andrews:

of drones, to invade another country as Russia recently did to Ukraine.

Damian Andrews:

they had a massive buildup of troops on the borders before,

Damian Andrews:

and that's clearly visible.

Damian Andrews:

Now with drone technology, you can have.

Damian Andrews:

almost immediately swarms of drones there with munitions on them, that as

Damian Andrews:

soon as someone crosses the border, they're just going to be obliterated.

Damian Andrews:

And that's part of what they're working on.

Damian Andrews:

I know it's a defensive tactic, and ideally we would love to have a

Damian Andrews:

society where you don't need that, but we will get there eventually.

Damian Andrews:

And so it's interesting how the world is evolving, how this collaborative

Damian Andrews:

approach is working, where we want to work together in a peaceful

Damian Andrews:

way so that we actually grow and.

Damian Andrews:

And innovate and make the world better for everybody.

Damian Andrews:

I just, I love where we're headed.

Stephen Box:

Yeah, there's a couple different examples I can really think

Stephen Box:

of with something like this, right?

Stephen Box:

Where, easy example, say you're at a party or a get together starting to

Stephen Box:

die down and you can tell that it's dying down, but nobody wants to leave.

Stephen Box:

And then that first person leaves, right?

Stephen Box:

And then what happens, like, all of a sudden, within five minutes,

Stephen Box:

half the party's gone, right?

Stephen Box:

It's everybody went on that first person to

Stephen Box:

leave the room.

Damian Andrews:

Exactly.

Damian Andrews:

It is that, the mentality of that crowd mentality.

Damian Andrews:

And it's nice to be part of a crowd.

Damian Andrews:

Again, we're social creatures.

Damian Andrews:

We want to be part of a group and interact.

Damian Andrews:

And part of that, I believe, is Coming back to that dopamine hit that we get.

Damian Andrews:

It's the same regardless of how many times we interact with a person.

Damian Andrews:

When we hang out with our best friend, we feel the same consistently.

Damian Andrews:

It's not like we have to up the ante as to how our relationship works.

Damian Andrews:

we can hang around with the, I catch up with my friends and we play cards

Damian Andrews:

and we play cards the same way.

Damian Andrews:

And it's the same thing.

Damian Andrews:

and.

Damian Andrews:

we just enjoy each other's company.

Damian Andrews:

We don't have, our baseline hasn't moved and that's where the, that

Damian Andrews:

socialness comes in and same token too.

Damian Andrews:

it's having that space where we can be ourself as well, recognizing that

Damian Andrews:

we can bring our uniqueness to that.

Damian Andrews:

And that actually adds value to the group because you're bringing

Damian Andrews:

your uniqueness to the group.

Damian Andrews:

They learning from it because everyone else is bringing their uniqueness.

Damian Andrews:

So you're learning from them as well.

Damian Andrews:

And you're like, Oh, that's something interesting.

Damian Andrews:

I can grow from that, but you can only grow.

Damian Andrews:

And this is the thing with learning.

Damian Andrews:

You can only learn if you let go of something, you can't hold

Damian Andrews:

on to your same way of who you are and learn something new.

Damian Andrews:

That's where it's really important to have that ability to let go and allow

Damian Andrews:

that growth to happen and evolve.

Damian Andrews:

and as principle of nature, if you're not growing, you're dying.

Damian Andrews:

So it's better to be growing.

Stephen Box:

Yeah, you talk about, this idea of in order to learn, you got

Stephen Box:

to be willing to let go of something.

Stephen Box:

And I think this is one of those things where it is hard for people.

Stephen Box:

When we talk about things being easy versus hard, this is a hard

Stephen Box:

thing because you have learned certain things in your life.

Stephen Box:

You have these beliefs, you have these stories that you've told yourself.

Stephen Box:

There's all these things that went into the decisions that you've made,

Stephen Box:

into the things that you've believed.

Stephen Box:

And now, all of a sudden, somebody's presenting something

Stephen Box:

that's in contrast to that.

Stephen Box:

you really have to be able to, like you said, let go of that defensiveness

Stephen Box:

of wanting to defend, of wanting to assume that everything you've learned

Stephen Box:

to this point had to be right, because otherwise, why would you have believed it?

Stephen Box:

And you gotta be able to shake your ego a little bit.

Stephen Box:

And go, Hey, is it possible that maybe there was some information out there that

Stephen Box:

I wasn't aware of when I developed these

Stephen Box:

beliefs and now that I have some information, it's okay for me

Stephen Box:

to actually change my opinion.

Damian Andrews:

definitely.

Damian Andrews:

And that's one of the key principles we teach in the program that I

Damian Andrews:

have called the leaders nucleus.

Damian Andrews:

There's four key principles and one of those key principles that great

Damian Andrews:

leaders have is being a change master.

Damian Andrews:

It's being able to look at the environment that you're in and understanding that you

Damian Andrews:

need to change to suit the environment.

Damian Andrews:

And this is a principle from nature.

Damian Andrews:

When you look at nature and you look at the environment.

Damian Andrews:

Hi.

Damian Andrews:

all the species that have existed on the planet, 99.

Damian Andrews:

9 percent of all species that have existed are extinct.

Damian Andrews:

and the ones that do exist are the ones that adapted to the environment that

Damian Andrews:

they're in and this is something that's really important to understand as a,

Damian Andrews:

certainly as a leader, but even, and you are a leader, regardless of where you

Damian Andrews:

are, if you've got children, you're a leader, if, if you've got a pet, you're

Damian Andrews:

a leader, we're all leaders in some context is to understand that, We need to

Damian Andrews:

be able to change to the environment and the environment is constantly evolving,

Damian Andrews:

trying to stop it evolve is just fraud.

Damian Andrews:

It's like trying to stop the wind.

Damian Andrews:

It's not going to happen.

Damian Andrews:

And that's where we need to adapt.

Damian Andrews:

We need to look at it and go, okay, how do I change to this circumstance?

Damian Andrews:

How do I adapt to this circumstance?

Damian Andrews:

And when you have that flexibility and recognizing that you are not your

Damian Andrews:

behaviors, this is that, that distinction, you can, you don't get caught up.

Damian Andrews:

Okay.

Damian Andrews:

But I'm this way.

Damian Andrews:

no, you've, you, again, your beliefs are thoughts that you've just repeated over

Damian Andrews:

and over again, where you can change what you're thinking and behaviors

Damian Andrews:

are patterns that you've learned.

Damian Andrews:

They're just habits.

Damian Andrews:

And having the ability to be relaxed and not stuck with reacting to

Damian Andrews:

the environment, again, turning the dings off your phone, you, all

Damian Andrews:

of a sudden you're more relaxed.

Damian Andrews:

You're able to speak to your unconscious mind because we don't.

Damian Andrews:

Act from our conscious mind.

Damian Andrews:

You when you're picking up your coffee, you're not thinking through every muscle

Damian Andrews:

that you're moving to pick that up.

Damian Andrews:

You consciously can't do it.

Damian Andrews:

We don't act from our conscious mind.

Damian Andrews:

We act from our unconscious and being able to be in that relaxed state.

Damian Andrews:

You can actually speak to your unconscious.

Damian Andrews:

Quite easily make a shift.

Damian Andrews:

It can happen, and I've done it instantaneously at times where I've

Damian Andrews:

said, Okay, I want to change this behavior, and I've thought through

Damian Andrews:

it, relaxed, allowed it to sink in.

Damian Andrews:

All of a sudden, I'm behaving completely different in that same scenario.

Damian Andrews:

Stimulus and response.

Damian Andrews:

The stimulus came, the response was different because I changed

Damian Andrews:

how my unconscious thought.

Damian Andrews:

And that's part of being that change master we talked about.

Damian Andrews:

in the, and also we teach in, the leaders nucleus, it's these four core principles,

Damian Andrews:

that as a leader, you need to embody and you all great leaders from Steve

Damian Andrews:

Jobs, Bill Gates, Gandhi, all those.

Damian Andrews:

Those leaders had that within the Mary, Mary Barra is another person and so many

Damian Andrews:

leaders that embody those four principles.

Damian Andrews:

But being able to be that change must be able to recognize that your behaviors,

Damian Andrews:

who you are, your identity is not made up by, by your behaviors and what you do.

Damian Andrews:

It's actually a core of you, which is, you can view it however you want.

Damian Andrews:

I think of it like a big ball of light, of energy.

Damian Andrews:

And from that, we can do different things based on what we want to achieve.

Stephen Box:

Yeah, I like the idea that we're talking about identity here

Stephen Box:

because I feel that a lot of people, they get stuck on identity and behaviors.

Stephen Box:

if I have a certain identity, I have to take on certain behaviors, but

Stephen Box:

then what you actually see in people is a lot of times their behaviors

Stephen Box:

don't actually match the identity that they say they want to have.

Stephen Box:

I always

Stephen Box:

look for the discrepancies,

Stephen Box:

right?

Damian Andrews:

it's the projected identity so that there's a

Damian Andrews:

thing that they want to project.

Damian Andrews:

And then there's what's really going on underneath and that's where those

Damian Andrews:

behaviors then start to reveal.

Damian Andrews:

If you're paying attention, what's really.

Damian Andrews:

is the identity.

Damian Andrews:

And that's the same with people as it is with companies as well, because

Damian Andrews:

I deal with a lot of organizations and organizations have identity

Damian Andrews:

that, if they're clear about it and they're purposeful about it,

Damian Andrews:

they can actually attract quality employees that fit with that identity.

Damian Andrews:

And the whole process of employee relationship with.

Damian Andrews:

The organization, the customers in the wider community becomes much

Damian Andrews:

more integrated and seamless and has a very distinct flow to it, whereas

Damian Andrews:

other companies that I've worked with where they don't have that, it makes

Damian Andrews:

it difficult, especially if you're hiring people today's environment

Damian Andrews:

where the demographics have shifted the workforce, Is not there anymore.

Damian Andrews:

As we know from COVID, all of a sudden people disappeared.

Damian Andrews:

it wasn't just a sudden thing.

Damian Andrews:

It was happening.

Damian Andrews:

it just seemed to all culminate at the same time.

Damian Andrews:

And certainly now, when we look at the wider world, this is where organizations

Damian Andrews:

need to be really good at identifying.

Damian Andrews:

What they are, what is their identity and also what are their values and then

Damian Andrews:

finding employees that match with that identity and those values because those

Damian Andrews:

employees are going to want to be there.

Damian Andrews:

They're going to want to be part of that organization.

Damian Andrews:

They want, they connect with the impact that it's making and it's

Damian Andrews:

just, it's become so critical.

Damian Andrews:

And I, recently, employee retention overtook.

Damian Andrews:

sales as the number one driver for organizations, which is, it's

Damian Andrews:

profound, but it has to happen.

Damian Andrews:

When you look at the world today, in China, by 2050, it's population

Damian Andrews:

is going to shrink by half a billion people and the impact that's going

Damian Andrews:

to have on the economy is massive.

Damian Andrews:

And this is where we again need to evolve and step up.

Damian Andrews:

And we will, I believe we will and change how we operate.

Damian Andrews:

So we become more.

Damian Andrews:

Integrated as people.

Damian Andrews:

We understand what it is that's right for us as people, but we also

Damian Andrews:

as organizations, we help facilitate that within our employees as well.

Damian Andrews:

And it's some of the programs that we have that we help people help

Damian Andrews:

organizations actually do that.

Damian Andrews:

And it's going to become more and more prevalent as we move forward.

Damian Andrews:

Exactly.

Stephen Box:

I'm going to actually bring together two

Stephen Box:

concepts we've talked about here.

Stephen Box:

So you gave the example earlier of the video game analogy, right?

Stephen Box:

Clicking the coin and then the next coin doesn't mean as much.

Stephen Box:

now you need two coins or whatever, right?

Stephen Box:

To get the same hit.

Stephen Box:

And Then we also talk about this idea of identity and I know as someone

Stephen Box:

who for a long time worked in retail, corporate environments where you're

Stephen Box:

getting told from up above you, Oh, this is our company culture.

Stephen Box:

This is what we do.

Stephen Box:

This is our identity.

Stephen Box:

But you're then seeing people make decisions.

Stephen Box:

That are based on those dopamine hits.

Stephen Box:

Oh, we got it.

Stephen Box:

we had one coin last time.

Stephen Box:

Now we need two.

Stephen Box:

Now we need three.

Stephen Box:

Now we need four.

Stephen Box:

And those things conflict with each other because what people start to do

Stephen Box:

is they start chasing after that feeling of something and they start to abandon.

Stephen Box:

And I think that's.

Stephen Box:

Really what has led to that current situation that you're talking about

Stephen Box:

where people aren't around or people aren't wanting to work at jobs or

Stephen Box:

they're not sticking around with jobs because at some point people really

Stephen Box:

got tired of feeling like, Hey, it doesn't really matter what I do, right?

Stephen Box:

I'm just a cog in the machine.

Stephen Box:

No one actually cares about me.

Stephen Box:

You've got companies out there going, Oh, no, our culture, we

Stephen Box:

care about our employees but your actions aren't showing it.

Stephen Box:

Because when I don't get you your dopamine hit when sales don't go up over last

Stephen Box:

year, all of a sudden, I'm a bad person.

Stephen Box:

I'm not doing my job.

Stephen Box:

And so people now are like, Hey, I'm out of here.

Stephen Box:

I'm going to go somewhere where I am appreciated.

Damian Andrews:

It's the appreciation is a really big factor in life

Damian Andrews:

with your relationships, personal relationships and in business as well.

Damian Andrews:

And appreciation is something that's certainly not implemented

Damian Andrews:

enough in organizations and what you're talking about there too.

Damian Andrews:

It happens a lot where it is the thing to do to have a mission statement.

Damian Andrews:

There was many years ago.

Damian Andrews:

When I remember when there wasn't mission statements, but then it

Damian Andrews:

became the thing to have and then it became, okay, we've got to have

Damian Andrews:

values and we've got to have this.

Damian Andrews:

And a lot of companies did that they went and got it and they went into

Damian Andrews:

manual and it's that on a desk and on a desk and on a shelf and collected dust.

Damian Andrews:

And that's part of how that operation needs to work.

Damian Andrews:

And that's where, again, one of the key things that we bring in the consulting

Damian Andrews:

organization that I have with two companies is we bring together a

Damian Andrews:

combination of micro learning, social learnings and gamification, tapping

Damian Andrews:

into that Mario principle and also tapping into that dopamine principle

Damian Andrews:

of when you make learning social.

Damian Andrews:

All of a sudden, you're not raising the baseline because it's social interaction,

Damian Andrews:

and the micro is really important because people, we do have short attention.

Damian Andrews:

we've all been to a lecture and we're, and we've sat there and

Damian Andrews:

we're falling asleep halfway through because come on, move it on.

Damian Andrews:

and we know the brain doesn't work that way.

Damian Andrews:

We know after a certain period of time, we need to have a break,

Damian Andrews:

let it integrate and move forward.

Damian Andrews:

And that's how.

Damian Andrews:

Okay.

Damian Andrews:

without consulting that we bring those three together, the micro, the social

Damian Andrews:

and the gamification so that we have the learning that where people are feeling

Damian Andrews:

that appreciation, but it's not in a way where you've got to constantly be raising

Damian Andrews:

the bar because of that social connection where we know dopamine is released.

Damian Andrews:

in the same level when we have those connections again, when you say, I love

Damian Andrews:

you to your partner 20 years into a marriage, you still get that same feeling.

Damian Andrews:

Obviously, if it's a good marriage, if it's not a good marriage, it

Damian Andrews:

might be slightly different, but let's put that, proviso in there.

Damian Andrews:

And there's a lot of people that have, whether it's a marriage or not, think of

Damian Andrews:

a lasting friendship that you had when you say g'day or give your friend a hug, it's

Damian Andrews:

the same hug and it has the same impact.

Damian Andrews:

So when you integrate those three, the micro, the social and the gamification in

Damian Andrews:

a corporate environment, and you do this well, all of a sudden you've got this

Damian Andrews:

wonderful interaction, with the people.

Damian Andrews:

The employees with the organization, with the customers and with the

Damian Andrews:

wider impact to the world, which is another area to tap into.

Damian Andrews:

And a lot of organizations miss that.

Damian Andrews:

It's not just about the widget that you sell, but it's what does

Damian Andrews:

that widget do for the wider world?

Damian Andrews:

And when you tap into that and share that, all of a sudden it

Damian Andrews:

creates a whole new dynamic for everybody and everybody's well being.

Damian Andrews:

goes up.

Stephen Box:

the way you're describing this.

Stephen Box:

It makes me actually think of, I don't know if you're familiar

Stephen Box:

with the book by Donna Miller

Stephen Box:

story brand.

Damian Andrews:

No, I haven't read that one.

Stephen Box:

he talks in there about, and it's mostly about marketing, but he talks

Stephen Box:

in there about the hero's journey, right?

Stephen Box:

Which is popular writing technique.

Stephen Box:

And what he says that stands out to me is a lot of times business owners,

Stephen Box:

when they're doing their marketing, they make themselves the hero.

Stephen Box:

You're so now you're a hero and you're talking to this customer who

Stephen Box:

also wants to be a hero and you're trying to, convince them that you

Stephen Box:

should work together and they're, basically going and looking at you and

Stephen Box:

going, okay, hey, man, that's cool.

Stephen Box:

you're a hero.

Stephen Box:

I'm a hero.

Stephen Box:

We're doing our own thing.

Stephen Box:

Good luck with that.

Stephen Box:

And they move on.

Stephen Box:

Because they want to be the hero in their story.

Stephen Box:

They don't want you to be the hero.

Stephen Box:

They want you to be the wise sage for them, right?

Stephen Box:

And I feel like when we talk about organizations, a lot of times the people

Stephen Box:

at the top, they're implementing policies.

Stephen Box:

They're doing things that kind of make them the hero.

Stephen Box:

And at the same time, they're trying to sell to the employees

Stephen Box:

that they can also be the hero.

Stephen Box:

And it's it doesn't work that way because now both are trying

Stephen Box:

to basically fill the same role.

Stephen Box:

If you are an organization, you have to find ways to reward your employees.

Stephen Box:

Like you talk about the gamification.

Stephen Box:

The gamification is not for the upper level management people.

Stephen Box:

It's for the people that are down on the ground level, right?

Stephen Box:

It's helping them get the dopamine hit.

Stephen Box:

It's about helping them to find enjoyment and pleasure in what they're doing.

Damian Andrews:

definitely.

Damian Andrews:

And part of that process is shifting that focus.

Damian Andrews:

And we've heard it so many times.

Damian Andrews:

And this comes back to life being simple is that when you're interacting

Damian Andrews:

with someone, Dale Carnegie talked about it, you talk about them,

Damian Andrews:

you ask them questions, asking questions, getting in the habit

Damian Andrews:

of asking questions and listening.

Damian Andrews:

That just changes the dynamic of relationships when you're, especially if

Damian Andrews:

you're in sales and you're going, Oh, I'm great and everything's great and we've got

Damian Andrews:

this great product and it's all going to be great and why aren't we great and why

Damian Andrews:

you should buy us because we're great.

Damian Andrews:

People just tune out.

Stephen Box:

Yeah, that's great.

Damian Andrews:

so much more sophisticated now.

Damian Andrews:

People are very smart.

Damian Andrews:

And if you're listening to them, all of a sudden, they're more engaged because

Damian Andrews:

you're showing that you care about them.

Damian Andrews:

It's not about you.

Damian Andrews:

You care about them.

Damian Andrews:

And what you're talking about there is, again, with the

Damian Andrews:

employees, it's here creating an environment where you're people.

Damian Andrews:

caring about, you're actually legitimately caring, not lip service,

Damian Andrews:

but you're caring about them going, Hey, what is important to you?

Damian Andrews:

And this sets up that proviso as well, that when you have a recruitment

Damian Andrews:

process, and that's part of, excuse me, our Breathe, Breathing Fire program,

Damian Andrews:

where we have a recruitment process.

Damian Andrews:

Not Breathing Fire Dragons.

Damian Andrews:

It's all about how to create, a great employment relationship.

Damian Andrews:

And it starts at the very beginning because, and this is a personal

Damian Andrews:

lesson that I learned, too late in life, was that no amount of

Damian Andrews:

skill fixes a poor partner choice.

Damian Andrews:

You need to be very careful how you set up.

Damian Andrews:

Identifying what are the right people to work with.

Damian Andrews:

That's not to say people are bad people, but sometimes people are just not a fit.

Damian Andrews:

Not everyone's a fit together.

Damian Andrews:

It's like a jigsaw puzzle.

Damian Andrews:

So you want to be finding people that connect.

Damian Andrews:

With your impact that you're making, and very few companies focus on their

Damian Andrews:

impact, but you want to identify what is the impact you're making and then find

Damian Andrews:

people that connect with that impact.

Damian Andrews:

And then you come down to value.

Damian Andrews:

So impact is right at the top.

Damian Andrews:

Then

Damian Andrews:

those values drive that impact.

Damian Andrews:

Your mission then is under that as well.

Damian Andrews:

So there's all filtered down, but it's having that process of working

Damian Andrews:

through, have I found the right person?

Damian Andrews:

Which is what you're wanting.

Damian Andrews:

You're wanting a long term relationship.

Damian Andrews:

You're not aiming to hire someone and then they disappear within 12 months.

Damian Andrews:

and where this gets distorted in organisations is in

Damian Andrews:

the outgoing interview.

Damian Andrews:

They'll, organise, Oh, why did you leave?

Damian Andrews:

Oh, I've got more money.

Damian Andrews:

And that's a common response.

Damian Andrews:

And it's the easy response because you don't want to say, Hey, this

Damian Andrews:

was a shitty working environment.

Damian Andrews:

People don't want to say that.

Damian Andrews:

They're not going to say that.

Damian Andrews:

And so they shift that somewhere else.

Damian Andrews:

But the mere fact that they were looking in the first place, they weren't.

Damian Andrews:

Very few people, have started a career and looking at that and then get

Damian Andrews:

dissatisfied and go, I need more money.

Damian Andrews:

we, we do want that and we, but we're not looking to shift to a different

Damian Andrews:

organization because there's a higher level of risking doing that.

Damian Andrews:

It's the grass is green.

Damian Andrews:

We know inherently that the grass may not be green.

Damian Andrews:

There's a good chance the grass isn't green on the other side.

Damian Andrews:

It's much easier to stay where we are, but we get to the point where

Damian Andrews:

we're so dissatisfied with the environment that we start looking

Damian Andrews:

and then when we look, we go, Oh, actually, I can get more money too.

Damian Andrews:

And the jump is made, but that's all it's recorded is, Oh, it was more money.

Damian Andrews:

The reality was it was a crappy working environment that actually

Damian Andrews:

encouraged them to want to look.

Damian Andrews:

So if you're listening to the employees, creating any that creates

Damian Andrews:

this harmonious relationship with the proviso that you're hiring people.

Damian Andrews:

The right people to start with, then all of a sudden you have this

Damian Andrews:

wonderful, ecosystem where it's all working very smoothly and people

Damian Andrews:

are, are satisfied to be there.

Damian Andrews:

They want to be there and they want to interact with others.

Damian Andrews:

A

Stephen Box:

Yeah.

Stephen Box:

I think so much of what you just said is so helpful for people to hear, right?

Stephen Box:

Because this applies across life, right?

Stephen Box:

Whether we're talking about you, you're building a business, you're

Stephen Box:

creating some kind of community, your club, you're choosing a spouse, right?

Stephen Box:

No matter what.

Stephen Box:

Area of your life you're talking about surrounding yourself with the right people

Stephen Box:

who align with your values, your goals, the things that you think are important,

Stephen Box:

that is, those are the things that are going to help you be happy in life.

Stephen Box:

When you are, when you're surrounded with people who are conflicting with you all

Stephen Box:

the time, like you're never going to be

Stephen Box:

happy with that.

Damian Andrews:

hundred percent.

Damian Andrews:

And you also need to be realistic too.

Damian Andrews:

That a lot of times when we're hiring employees or dating,

Damian Andrews:

we set up an environment which creates a false sense of reality.

Damian Andrews:

We create this wonderful thing and go, Oh, isn't this wonderful?

Damian Andrews:

And all that kind of, think of the first couple of dates you've gone on.

Damian Andrews:

You project this wonderful persona and you create an environment where.

Damian Andrews:

Everything's going to be perfect, but life doesn't work that way.

Damian Andrews:

What you really want to find.

Damian Andrews:

I love the comedic, I can't remember the comedian's name, but talk about if

Damian Andrews:

you really want to find someone's true character, give them slow internet.

Damian Andrews:

And, if you're dealing with that kind of frustration, so you deal with, you

Damian Andrews:

want to find out how does this person.

Damian Andrews:

Deal with stress.

Damian Andrews:

what actually happens when things aren't going so well and it can be, you

Damian Andrews:

might be made in a personal situation.

Damian Andrews:

You might be meeting someone for a date and something comes up and you're going to

Damian Andrews:

be, 15, 20 minutes late and you call them up and say, Hey, I'm just gonna be late.

Damian Andrews:

Apologize.

Damian Andrews:

I'll be there.

Damian Andrews:

How do they react to that?

Damian Andrews:

And similar for, sales is a great one for hiring sales employees.

Damian Andrews:

People create this wonderful relationship.

Damian Andrews:

come and talk with us.

Damian Andrews:

and they create this old touchy feely type thing.

Damian Andrews:

and then they hire the person and wonder why they're not succeeding.

Damian Andrews:

If you're hiring a salesperson, the first thing you do is say, Hey, I don't

Damian Andrews:

think you're as good as you say you are.

Damian Andrews:

You're probably not right for the role.

Damian Andrews:

How are they going to respond?

Damian Andrews:

Cause that's the reaction they're going to get in the real world.

Damian Andrews:

what person, salesperson calls up an organization, they say, Oh, thank

Damian Andrews:

you for calling, isn't it wonderful.

Damian Andrews:

And I'm so glad you called, it doesn't work that way.

Damian Andrews:

So you really want to test.

Damian Andrews:

In a real world environment.

Damian Andrews:

What are these people like?

Damian Andrews:

Whether it's personal relationship or whether it's business, are we a fit?

Damian Andrews:

Are we going to deal?

Damian Andrews:

Are we a fit?

Damian Andrews:

And are we going to deal with real world situations?

Damian Andrews:

Can you deal with real world situations?

Damian Andrews:

And it's the same token on the other side as an employee.

Damian Andrews:

If you're looking for work, you want to be testing the company.

Damian Andrews:

How are they going to look after you?

Damian Andrews:

What are the things they're testing?

Damian Andrews:

Because you, if they're not, if they're projecting this persona,

Damian Andrews:

but they're not really doing it.

Damian Andrews:

Do you really want to work with them?

Damian Andrews:

And as an employee, you want to test that as well.

Stephen Box:

Yeah, absolutely.

Stephen Box:

And by the way, I just want to point out, I appreciate the fact

Stephen Box:

that in your fake dating scenario, that you did not give any excuses.

Stephen Box:

You just like, Hey, I'm late.

Stephen Box:

I'll

Stephen Box:

be there.

Damian Andrews:

and that's the principle.

Damian Andrews:

This is the thing we don't, with my son growing up and, he, I spent a lot of time

Damian Andrews:

encouraging him to make his own decisions, but there were certain times in, in,

Damian Andrews:

as far as, father son relationship, I'm the father, I'm the boss.

Damian Andrews:

There's certain times where we've, we've said, this is what we're

Damian Andrews:

doing and we need to do that.

Damian Andrews:

And there was never a why.

Damian Andrews:

maybe early on he might have said why, and I just said because I said so.

Damian Andrews:

There's no, and I liken that I'm a bit of a sci fi geek.

Damian Andrews:

And I certainly, I love, Captain Janeway is one of my favorite,

Damian Andrews:

leaders, fictional leaders.

Damian Andrews:

and she, there was a number of times within the.

Damian Andrews:

The Star Trek Voyager episodes where, she would assess and do things and then she

Damian Andrews:

would say, okay, now we're doing this and someone would interject something says,

Damian Andrews:

maybe later, but I've made the decision.

Damian Andrews:

We're going this way.

Damian Andrews:

And that was it.

Damian Andrews:

It was final.

Damian Andrews:

And as a leader, you need to be able to do that.

Damian Andrews:

There's a certain point where you listen, but there's a certain point

Damian Andrews:

where you say, this is where we're going.

Damian Andrews:

And that's where it's important to, to have the right team around you.

Damian Andrews:

that understands you've made the decision and they support and go in that direction.

Damian Andrews:

whether they agree with it or not, it's irrelevant, but it's part of

Damian Andrews:

that ecosystem that needs to work a

Stephen Box:

And it sure is a lot easier to get people to

Stephen Box:

go along with those decisions.

Stephen Box:

When you've shown them that you truly care,

Damian Andrews:

hundred percent, a hundred percent.

Damian Andrews:

And it's one of those things of finding that right relationship.

Damian Andrews:

Again, it comes back to that.

Damian Andrews:

No amount of skill fixes a poor partner choice.

Damian Andrews:

When as a leader, if you're a leader of an organization, you need to

Damian Andrews:

be very careful about the people that you choose to work with.

Damian Andrews:

They need to be supportive of what.

Damian Andrews:

They also need to have a diversity around.

Damian Andrews:

And one of my best friends is my manager because I'm quite entrepreneurial and

Damian Andrews:

I'll come up with his harebrained ideas.

Damian Andrews:

And, I also joke that because I'm a Leo rat from as far as Western

Damian Andrews:

and Eastern star signs goes.

Damian Andrews:

So for me, it's Oh, shiny thing over there and I'll go that way.

Damian Andrews:

But I know I can do that.

Damian Andrews:

And my friend, he's more managerial, more down to earth.

Damian Andrews:

So there's time to time I'll chat to him about something.

Damian Andrews:

Talk about this and he'll talk through the practicalities of it

Damian Andrews:

and, and I will listen to that.

Damian Andrews:

Sometimes I'll still go and do it anyway, but other times I'll take on board that

Damian Andrews:

and adjust what I'm doing because, I've got that reality check and that's where

Damian Andrews:

it's important to surround yourself with people that actually going to give you

Damian Andrews:

a diverse advice, but it needs to be in line with where you're going as well.

Damian Andrews:

And that's the balance you need to find.

Damian Andrews:

It's not just people that have alternate opinions because that might not serve you.

Damian Andrews:

They might be destructive to where you want to go.

Damian Andrews:

You want people that will give you reflective advice that's helping

Damian Andrews:

you get where you want to go.

Stephen Box:

you want people around you who can.

Stephen Box:

Help you see things from a different perspective, not necessarily people

Stephen Box:

who are trying to change your

Stephen Box:

perspective.

Damian Andrews:

Yeah.

Damian Andrews:

to open up.

Damian Andrews:

Okay.

Damian Andrews:

What are the areas that you've missed?

Damian Andrews:

Where are the blind spots?

Damian Andrews:

Because you're so focused on where you're going.

Damian Andrews:

And again, that comes back to that knowledge and learning.

Damian Andrews:

You have to be willing to let go.

Damian Andrews:

So there might be parts of you would go, okay, actually, I need

Damian Andrews:

to let go of this component.

Damian Andrews:

does that fit?

Damian Andrews:

And then you can check back in and go, actually, that, that.

Damian Andrews:

I hear what it's saying there, but I don't think that's a critical

Damian Andrews:

risk and move forward that way.

Stephen Box:

Yeah, like for example, when you do a podcast interview

Stephen Box:

like this, what we're really doing is we're having a conversation.

Stephen Box:

We're putting our perspectives out there.

Stephen Box:

We're talking about what we feel, what we've seen, what we've

Stephen Box:

experienced and somebody might be listening to this and They might

Stephen Box:

be getting some perspective shifts.

Stephen Box:

They might say, you know what?

Stephen Box:

I never thought about it that way.

Stephen Box:

I haven't looked at it that way.

Stephen Box:

And

Stephen Box:

that person may decide, Hey, you know what?

Stephen Box:

That's something I want to implement.

Stephen Box:

And now they reach out to you and they say, Hey, I want to work with

Stephen Box:

you and they can get into your programs, your coaching or whatever.

Stephen Box:

And.

Stephen Box:

You can help them to implement those things, or they may listen to it

Stephen Box:

and go, those guys don't know what their world they're talking about.

Stephen Box:

And that's okay too.

Stephen Box:

if you think that, we're just full of hot air.

Stephen Box:

I don't, if you feel that way, that's fine.

Stephen Box:

I will take it personally, but.

Stephen Box:

I think that's something that's important to, to recognize too, because a lot of

Stephen Box:

times we surround ourselves with people who are yes men, so to speak, that never

Stephen Box:

challenge any of our perspectives, or some people go the opposite route and they

Stephen Box:

think that it's growth to surround you with people who always disagree with you.

Stephen Box:

And while that can help you grow, it can also, as you pointed

Stephen Box:

out earlier, be destructive.

Stephen Box:

it's about finding

Stephen Box:

that balance.

Damian Andrews:

that's right.

Damian Andrews:

And that's where that work mentality went way out of control where

Damian Andrews:

people, as soon as someone challenged their identity, that was then.

Damian Andrews:

we need to cancel that.

Damian Andrews:

We just, and it just, it was just very destructive and

Damian Andrews:

certainly not a growth mentality.

Damian Andrews:

And that's the whole point that we want in life is we want to

Damian Andrews:

listen to different points of view.

Damian Andrews:

It doesn't mean we agree with it.

Damian Andrews:

You don't have to agree with everything.

Damian Andrews:

And that's certainly, I have very close friends where we have very different

Damian Andrews:

opinions on things, but we can still have a discussion about things.

Damian Andrews:

And there's some things we don't need to have a discussion.

Damian Andrews:

We know we disagree.

Damian Andrews:

but that doesn't affect how our relationship is in other areas

Damian Andrews:

and we can completely disagree.

Damian Andrews:

And also too, we can learn things and be open to things.

Damian Andrews:

I'm, back when I was young, there was, a number of terrorist

Damian Andrews:

hijackings and it was generally someone from Iran, hijacking a plane.

Damian Andrews:

And I grew up with the mentality of Iranians being, terrorists and.

Damian Andrews:

One of my business partners now is from Iran.

Damian Andrews:

he's, him and his family, moved out, from there to Australia and it's

Damian Andrews:

been fascinating for me having this, I'm going to say core belief, but

Damian Andrews:

it's, it's probably a bit strong, but this belief, of what, These people

Damian Andrews:

were like and now working together, understanding and learning about the

Damian Andrews:

Persian culture and noticing that there are so many similarities there.

Damian Andrews:

He cares about his family.

Damian Andrews:

He wants good things for his daughter, and take care of his wife.

Damian Andrews:

All those kind of things that I connect with and then learning about

Damian Andrews:

the diversity of the Persian culture and how they deal with things and

Damian Andrews:

how they have food festivals and the different foods, I like food and,

Damian Andrews:

just all these different flavors.

Damian Andrews:

It was just fascinating.

Damian Andrews:

And then that helped me become more powerful because I've got a broader

Damian Andrews:

range of knowledge to choose from, and also more ability to work with people.

Damian Andrews:

Because I've again got the broader, because now I can talk to other

Damian Andrews:

people from the Persian culture and actually relate to them

Damian Andrews:

because I have that understanding.

Damian Andrews:

So it's created, given me so much more power to be able to get things

Damian Andrews:

done that I want to get done.

Stephen Box:

Yeah, and I think that's a really great way to rev up here

Stephen Box:

where you just brought this idea full circle that you had a belief based on

Stephen Box:

information that was available to you early in life, and you shifted that

Stephen Box:

belief, you changed it because new information became available to you.

Stephen Box:

And that's, I think, really just the, maybe the overarching theme of

Stephen Box:

what we talked about today is that.

Stephen Box:

You don't have to be stuck with what you've always done.

Stephen Box:

If it's not working for you anymore, or you get new information, be open to

Stephen Box:

looking for new ways of doing things.

Stephen Box:

It might just make life easy.

Damian Andrews:

It certainly does.

Damian Andrews:

And the shift that needs to happen is rather going, I am,

Damian Andrews:

I'm this type of person and making your identity about that.

Damian Andrews:

Shift the focus on what it is that you want to achieve.

Damian Andrews:

What is the goal that you've got in front of you when that becomes okay?

Damian Andrews:

I want to achieve this now.

Damian Andrews:

How can I do it?

Damian Andrews:

I'm very flexible in, I'm a ball of energy.

Damian Andrews:

My identity is not my behaviors.

Damian Andrews:

So how can I adjust to do that without throwing in excuses or

Damian Andrews:

reasons why you can't do it?

Damian Andrews:

Just go, this is where I'm going.

Damian Andrews:

And how can I get there as fast as possible?

Damian Andrews:

If you had that little component as fast as possible, all of a sudden these

Damian Andrews:

doors open, and it becomes very smooth and life becomes easy and very simple.

Stephen Box:

Love it, man.

Stephen Box:

Love it.

Stephen Box:

Damian, if you would real quick, share with us how people can get

Stephen Box:

ahold of you.

Damian Andrews:

Yeah, I'm available through linked in through my website.

Damian Andrews:

There's an update.

Damian Andrews:

I'm not sure when this is going to air, but there's an update coming there.

Damian Andrews:

You can connect with me there as well.

Damian Andrews:

I have the podcast growing revenue and profit podcast, which is very

Damian Andrews:

business focused and have some great interviews on there with business

Damian Andrews:

people and also tips and advice as well about how to run business.

Damian Andrews:

And then I also have the share.

Damian Andrews:

care Podcast, which is S H A I R dot care.

Damian Andrews:

And we have what is manly and e share, which is about equality.

Damian Andrews:

And so there's a number of banners under that.

Damian Andrews:

And we get together with some friends and have a bit of a ponder

Damian Andrews:

as well on different topics.

Damian Andrews:

but, share dot care is a global organization sharing experience,

Damian Andrews:

strength, and hope to create strong, healthy, inspiring relationships.

Damian Andrews:

Hence the acronym.

Damian Andrews:

And so you can connect with me at that podcast as well.

Damian Andrews:

but generally if you put Damien Andrews into any search engine,

Damian Andrews:

you will find a link to me.

Damian Andrews:

most of the links on the front page will be me.

Damian Andrews:

So my SEO is working very well.

Damian Andrews:

so if you have, but reach out, connect, I'd love to chat with

Damian Andrews:

people and learn what they're doing.

Damian Andrews:

and certainly, from a business perspective, our consulting works

Damian Andrews:

very well, we get tremendous results.

Damian Andrews:

organizational organizations.

Damian Andrews:

We took a company that was, turning over 8 million to $25 million in

Damian Andrews:

18 months through Covid, just by, and they didn't work any harder.

Damian Andrews:

They made a simple shift and it just profoundly changed

Damian Andrews:

their business operations.

Damian Andrews:

And that's the kind of thing that we, my focus is more on business, but I do

Damian Andrews:

like to help, work with people as well.

Stephen Box:

Yeah.

Stephen Box:

Okay.

Stephen Box:

Yeah.

Stephen Box:

And if somebody is out there and you have a business or organization and

Stephen Box:

you want to continue to Make things difficult on yourself and make life hard.

Stephen Box:

Then call somebody else.

Stephen Box:

But if you want to make things a little easier,

Stephen Box:

call Damien.

Damian Andrews:

Exactly, and I have this philosophy, and I teach my clients that as

Damian Andrews:

well, is, if you have difficult clients, you refer them to your competition.

Damian Andrews:

It makes life easier.

Stephen Box:

Well, Damien, once again, I just wanted to say

Stephen Box:

thank you for coming on today.

Stephen Box:

Loved our conversation.

Stephen Box:

also just encourage people, check out the, what is mainly podcast episode.

Stephen Box:

I was on there.

Stephen Box:

so I'll put links to that as well in the description for

Stephen Box:

this podcast and the show notes.

Stephen Box:

So that way people can check out both conversations.

Stephen Box:

And.

Stephen Box:

As always guys, I want to remind you that while none of us are born

Stephen Box:

unshakable, we can all become unshakable.

Outro:

Thank you for listening to the Unshakable Habits

Outro:

podcast with coach Stephen Box.

Outro:

Be sure to hit the subscribe button and help us spread the word by

Outro:

sharing the podcast with other men.

Outro:

If you're ready to create Unshakable Habits, you can learn more and

Outro:

connect with us at UnshakableHabits.

Outro:

com.

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About the Podcast

Show artwork for Own Your Calendar: Aligning Your Business & Life Goals
Own Your Calendar: Aligning Your Business & Life Goals
Build Unshakable Habits For Health, Mindset, Relationships, Faith, and Professional Growth

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About your host

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Stephen Box

Stephen is the Founder of Unshakable Habits and the host of Own Your Calendar. He's on a mission to show that you can build a thriving business without losing your mind (or your weekends). As a productivity and health coach, Stephen helps online business owners, coaches, and course creators ditch burnout, reclaim time, and align their business with a life they love.